Aleina Carol Proffer

Aleina Carol Proffer

June 20, 1945 to January  19, 2021

Written by Tiffini Horton Born June 20th, 1945 in Sacramento CA to Stanley Sharp and Mavis German.  Stanley was a full-blooded Irishman with a full-blooded Irish temper.  He was a prize fighter in the day where there were no gloves and the fight might make half your face fall off. She did not get to live with Stanley for more than a couple of years.   Mavis was an accomplished artist of MANY types.  Painting with Acrylics, or chalks, ceramics, macrame, knitting, sewing, you name it Mavis did it and did it well.  Along with being an artist Mavis was also a musician and an interior designer.  When mom was 4, she asked Gerald Holman to be her daddy.  There has been the thought as grandma told me that Gerry married her for my mother’s sake.  He was an exceedingly kind and gentle soul that my mother adored throughout her life.  When mom was 12 Jay became a part of the family.  She often said he was her baby from the beginning.  She met and married my father Paul Proffer at 18 years old A Beautiful mind

Aleina was an accomplished accordionist.  Playing Dueling accordions at the young age of 12 with the great Myron Floren from the Lawrence Welk program to playing for the Santa Rosa Symphony “Battle Hymn of the Republic" for which I had the pleasure of listening to the record.  I would say that she was accomplished indeed! She was a lover of music of all kinds and reading from studying religion and philosophy to the romance novels. She was a loyal friend to many, a lover of children and animals and someone to whom all were fiercely drawn too.  She was an amazing if not a traditional mom.  When others were baking cookies, sewing and leading the scout meetings my mom was focused on who I became as a human being.  She was patient, I never heard her raise her voice or swear until I was in my late teens.  Mom liked to keep the peace in fact I remember in elementary school some boys were picking on me and mom drove by and made friends with them.  Bringing them to the house to talk things out.   That was her way.  I received a phone call from one of those boys not long ago, she had made a lifelong lasting impact with him as I know she did many others.

Meant to be a mom

Due to a tragic and debilitating accident at the age of 4 years old, mom was never supposed to be able to carry a child.  She surprised everyone by having two carrying both to term and having a natural birth with both of us.  Her pregnancies were both very tough but her strength and love for children were tougher.  But mom didn’t stop with mothering the two of us, there were always children around her that adored her, that flocked to her.  My brothers and my friends throughout growing up mom would take under her wing.  Animals as well, at the time of her passing she had 4 dogs that she loved and adored. Mom was a bit of a codependent which gave me some amazing life lessons since while she codependent though she stopped short of enabling.  There was a natural consequence to every thought and action, and she made sure we were aware of that.  One of mom’s favorite phrases is sometimes you have to give people what they want until they choke on it.  She also taught me to look outside of myself and into what others were going through so I didn’t pass judgement on people, walk a mile don’t drive by and assume what you see is what you get.

What we say and do hurts others.  I remember the lesson of the board on the fence, pound the nail for every hurtful thing you do to someone…do it for a month then take the nails out and look at the damage done.  That board can be replaced but like the heart it can’t be fixed once broken.  Mom always had a philosophy in how she lived her life. Some Favorite Memories from the children.  Mom hated to get her hands dirty, but she would do anything for a child, this meant collecting Snails and talking about them having to go back to their homes at night so they could feed their children.  Talking about taking care not to hurt the trees by taking off their bark.  There were also the countless hours of discussions with literally all of our friends about life and whatever trauma we were going through, mom always found the time to be there for those who needed her.

The spirit of the heart

Throughout her life Aleina had an amazing heart.  She was a teacher in her heart, and it was those teachings that have carried me through difficult times in my past.  I remember growing up mom RARELY spanked and when she did, it was not the spanking that sent the message.  (as a matter of fact, my brother and I used to go in our room and giggle) It was the endless conversation that came before and after the act itself.  That is one of the first teachings I really remember as such, before each discipline my brother and I were sent to our room to think about what we had done, but further, what we could have done differently as to not get in trouble.  It taught me that I alone am in charge of my consequences.  What a beautiful gift to grow up with. I was not an easy girl, and my mother raised me that way.  I was to be able to use my voice, it had meaning.  Therefore, it is surprising to others that when I became “fierce” she didn’t take objection in fact she encouraged me but taught me to do It with respect for others.  (no winging it, it better be thought out and precise not in anger or rage) there was no time in her world for flip outs.

“I am just Mean and Ornery” This is a statement that my Maternal grandmother used to use to describe herself.  (she wasn’t either to me).  My mother picked up the phrase after taking care of her to describe herself at times.  Always having been quiet and calm to me on the outside (even if emotional, sad hurt or angry on the inside) this was a shocking revelation to be sure.  I can’t say that I can describe my mother as mean, (her dementia on the other hand could be.

We named her dementia, Cybele which she thought was hilarious).  She was however ORNERY to be sure.  She had a stubborn streak that would not quit no matter what it is she thought she really wanted; she went after it with every fiber of her being.

As a child she had wanted a piano with every fiber of her being and their house was too small for one, so my Grandparents bought her the accordion.  They never one time had to encourage her to play.  She practiced every waking moment my grandmother used to tell me.  The permanent lines across her legs would prove that to anyone without a doubt.

All things mom’s way in moms time whether we are talking about how many times a day a toilet needs to be cleaned (5) or how often we should clean the grooves in the furniture (1 time a month) or how to put the bobby pins for her hair away.  (separated by color, type and all in the same direction or there will be hell to pay.  I have to say though that gave me a sense of respect for others stuff, for cleanliness, and I knew what I didn’t want to do with my own kids, looking back, it was a greater gift than I knew.

In moms dementia the ornery side proved to be the most difficult to handle for me, and I admit to that sometimes coming to some pretty fierce disagreements between what she wanted, and her health, well being and safety.  It is that fighting spirit she has carried through her entire life.

When Aleina gained her Angelic Transformation at 11:11 am  at the age of 75, she was in the latter stages of vascular dementia, through all the loss of her typical personhood her amazing mind still stood often offering love compassion and advice to others as she felt they needed.  We would see glimpses of her in some of the most amazing ways.  When a lost soul appeared mom could sense the loss and her spark of intelligence glimmered even though weakened.  She found it within herself a show of compassion and understanding in her confusing world.

Greatersea

Two of Aleina’s passions was philosophy and Religion.  Her favorite Author, Kahlil Gabran wrote GreaterSea.  It became her mantra, even her screen name was GreaterSea.

The Sea symbolizes God while the forest, rock, wind, river, summit, and the brain symbolizes man. God (sea) is humble while man (forest, rock, wind, river, summit, and brain) is boastful and full of pride even though God created them yet he still remained humble and silent. I would add strong and fierce.  Mom knew that strength was not measured in word or a deed but in the quality that you give to others.  I can only hope one day I will become half the woman I knew my mother to be. Perfectly imperfect. Aleina is survived by her two loving children, Tiffini Horton and David Proffer, her 5 grandchildren.  William Lloyd, Robert Lloyd, David Lloyd, Justin Proffer and Cody Proffer, her two great Grandchildren, Jaxson Lloyd and Carter Lloyd, her brother Jay Holman, and many nieces, nephews, and friends that all  adored her and will miss her deeply.  She will be greeted by Mavis and Gerald Holman, Stan Sharp, her Brothers Ron Sharp and Gary Sharp. Her best friend Kathy Boll, Paul Proffer and many other friends and family who preceded her.