Thomas John Hurley

Tom passed away peacefully at home surrounded by family on July 1, 2024, at the age of 81.

Born in San Francisco on March 3, 1943, Tom spent his early childhood in Palo Alto. As a young boy, Tom lived in the San Joaquin Valley town of Firebaugh, where he roamed and adventured while his parents ran the local movie theater. Exploring with his little sister, Mary, propped on his bicycle handle bars, he tagged along for many days and nights under the open sky with Mexican American sheep herders who introduced him to two lifelong loves: Ranchera songs and the wonder of wide open spaces.

Tom returned to Palo Alto for his middle and high school years. He studied philosophy at St. Mary’s College in Moraga, and then traveled in Europe for six months before entering the Master’s program in psychology at San Francisco State and embarking on his career as a marriage, family and child therapist. After first working at Catholic Social Services, he opened private practices in Marin and Sonoma counties. Over the five-decade span of his career, Tom helped countless people. When the AIDS crisis struck the San Francisco gay community in the 1980s, Tom opened a satellite practice in the Castro to help HIV-positive gay men and surviving partners through their end-of-life fears and grief. He dedicated a significant part of his practice to counseling those recovering from chemical dependency and addiction. In the late 1990s, he purchased a house in Santa Rosa and transformed it into a sober-living transitional residence for recovering alcoholics called Hope House.

As dedicated as Tom was to those he helped professionally, nothing compared to the love, dedication, protection, and support he offered freely to those he loved. In the late 1970s, Tom settled in Petaluma with his young family. He coached his son Peter’s youth soccer team, led Boy Scout backpacking trips with his stepson, Hugh, and imparted his love of the desert and wide open vistas to his daughter, Sarah, through annual camping trips to Death Valley. Tom met his equal in love, goodness and strength when he was introduced to Petaluma native Judith (Jude) Hearney at the age of 44. Tom was smitten, as was Jude, and they married at Mission Dolores Chapel in 1990. They shared a long marriage of profound love and mutual admiration that was an inspiration to those who knew them.

Though he was raised Catholic and never lost his reverence and marvel for the teachings of Jesus Christ and Catholic mystics like St. Francis of Assisi, Tom felt a keen affinity with the Hopi way of life and its spiritual connection to land and nature. He enjoyed many trips to Second Mesa visiting with friends Weaver Selina, a Hopi silversmith, and his wife Alberta, a Hopi basket artist. Tom was never a seeker of God, but rather a delighted observer of God’s presence in the every day.

In addition to his wife, Jude (neé Hearney), Tom is survived by his sister, Mary Hurley of Berkeley, who could not have asked for a more wise, caring, and supportive big brother; his son, Peter Hurley (Mary) of San Francisco; his daughter, Sarah Martin of Petaluma; his stepson whom he loved and raised as a son, Hugh Stinson (Sera) of Dudley, MA; his grandchildren Finn, Sam, and Ben Martin; Rose, Maddie, and Charlotte Stinson; and Tory and Lillith Hurley; and his nephews Fred and Jack Nicolaus.

No memorial will be held, in accordance with Tom’s wishes. His family suggests to those who would like to honor Tom - find a new poem that you love, spend time in the quiet beauty of nature, savor a cup of fresh coffee, or share a joke that brings laughter to another.